Questions & Answers About Stoners

What is a Stoner?

What is a Stoner? Traditionally, or stereotypically, a Stoner is someone who smokes bongs, joints, blunts, spliffs, waterpipes, dry-pipes or whatever the fuck you wanna call them, day-in & day-out. This is true to some extent and is part of the initiation to becoming a Stoner. It is true that you cannot be a Stoner without smoking marijuana, as it is one of the main parts of the culture. However, if you have a break from smoken, you can still be a Stoner, if not by Practice, then by Culture and Ethics. A Stoner never judges anyone unfairly. Basically, a Stoner is a hippy. We are the new generation of hippies. We still think the same way. But...you see, hippies have gone out of fashion since the 60's, so all of the remaining hippies have gone underground. They're us.

A Stoner is the highest form of society, and, reality. As I said they are the smartest people in the world. They are the most famous psycholigists, comedians, the nicest people in the world, and the best of friends. You will never have a better relationship with your friends if you are all Stoners.

One more thing. To me, Stoning is a religion. Stoners have no god. We actually that is not entirely true, each individual Stoner has their own god: themselves, everything they want to be is their god, and it is inside them.

How do I become a Stoner?

Becoming a Stoner is a long, fulfilling, and fun process. It starts at a very early age, maybe even 6 or less, without you even knowing it. It continues throughout the rest of your life, and you must nurture this gift in order to finally become a Stoner. It starts with the Practice. I first started the Practice some 2 years ago, and just lately have found the truth of what it means to be a Stoner. I am an outcast, like most (if not all) Stoners. I am a Metal Head, like most outcasts. If you're a Metal Head/Goth, you are a perfect Stoner. I have been an outcast from an early age. I've been bullied and picked on and beat up about stupid things. If you are not an outcast from the mainstream society, then stop reading now. If you have been successful your whole life, brought up in gangs who recieve pleasure out of picking on people who are defenseless against you, then you are not a Stoner, and will never be a Stoner, as you are a coward. Or if you are a bright young kid from a good background who does all of his homework and have never had a problem with bullies because you just hang around all the other bright kids and don't get involved in situations where bullies are concerned, Stoning is not for you. I had a friend who was totally against this sort of thing, because their parents had brought them up that sort of way. That's fine, I have no problem with people like that, Stoners don't have a problem with anyone unless they judge others unfairly. It was pretty funny, because my friend sometimes came to our Sessions, but never smoked, and everytime he was around the stuff he would throw up. I guess some people just can't tolerated, and they weren't made to be a Stoner. shit happens.

You cannot become a Stoner by yourself, that's not the way it works. Stoning is a type of mutual bonding. In order to become a Stoner, you must find others like you. You must find other outcasts of society that have the same problems that you have. You must find your Circle. These are the best friends you will ever have. You will never have any serious fights with these people, as long as you are Stoners. The Practice is the bonding of the Circle. Even if you have never met this person before, they will become one of your closest friends. This is hard to explain, but once you try it, you will fully understand what I mean.

Well, here comes the fun part: The Practice. (I might have to censor some of this bit before I put it on the net, so I don't get in shit.) Get some members of your Circle, even if it's only 1 of them. Find a marijuana dealer, this can be hard as you have to know the right people, but once you've taken up the Practice for quite some time, it gets easier. A lot of dealers are pretty unreliable and can fuck you over, I know people that have had to wait one and a half days to score only half a gram, but I guess it's all just part of becoming a Stoner. Once you've scored, you'll need tobacco to go mix in with the choof, so go get ciggies, and for every gram you have, chop in 2 cigs.

Once your mix is ready, you need to get food and water, lots of water. Music is good too. Music with good lyrics is also good for when you're smashed, such as Eminem. I understand that Eminem can be really fuckin annoying as he just blabs on about shit all, but once you're a Stoner, you notice the finer aspects of the music such as the lyrics. Now I love it. Mellow music is good for chilling to, something like Radiohead or Cypress Hill. Once you've prepared yourself, you need to find a Stoning Site. This is the place where you have your Session. Find a place away from civilization, as straight people can be the worst thing when you're smashed. You will notice this to quite some extent after your first Sessions. This can lead to bad things, because you don't know how to handle certain situations until you're more experienced. This can in turn lead to paranoia, which leads to anxiety attacks, which leads to vomit, which means that the rest of your Circle start stressing out, and everything goes from bad to worse. So, during your first Sessions: STAY AWAY FROM STRAIGHT PEOPLE. Try to stay away from crowded places such as shopping centres or supermarkets for the first few times. Once you're confident with the feeling of being in a higher reality than everyone else, you can venture out to these public places where the straight people live their daily lives. These are called Missions, and they are a very big part of being a Stoner. Being smashed in a public place is the best fun if you know how to handle it. You get a great feeling staring at straight people walking past you, in their dumb world, having no idea that you are in a higher reality, seeing everything differently. It gives you a rush. However the biggest rule in becoming a Stoner is STAY WITH YOUR CIRCLE. Don't leave eachother alone in a public place. Even if there's 4 of you and you need to split up for some reason, 2 and 2 go together. Stoners stick together, so never, under any circumstances leave one of your Stoners by themselves, especially in a public place. This will lead to bad things, as you are in a totally different reality, a totally different world to the straight people; you don't even speak the same languages. For example, if a straight person tried to have a conversation with a smashed person, neither of them would have any idea what the other person is talking about. But if 2 smashed people have a conversation, they understand exactly what eachother are on about. It's like chemistry.

Leave at least 6 hours before going home after a Session. The worst thing is going home when you think you're straight when you're not, and you have to confront your parents. If something fucked happens (and it will), try not to speak much to your parents, as you will not know what they're talking about, and when you try to talk back, the words don't come out properly. Try coming home late at night smashed, when you're almost positive that they'll be in bed so you wont have to speak to them much. Go to bed and sleep well.

WARNING: If you have a close relationship with people outside of your Circle, such as a boyfriend or girlfriend, be sure to stay away from them while smashed. If you are smashed while they are straight, try and stay away from them. I've seen relationships fall to pieces because of Stoning. The Stoner of the relationship doesn't care about their boyfriend/girlfriend, and would rather smoke bongs than hang around with their partner. In the end it just gets fucked. So you've got to decide what is more important to you, being a Stoner, or your girlfriend/boyfriend.

When starting off, try not to smoke too much at a time, as you will not know how to handle it, and will start having bad trips, thinking you're going to over-dose and die. I know it sounds a little drastic, but once you're smashed, your thoughts get magnified a thousand times over, and once you stress about something, you will have an anxiety attack...not fun. If you're still at school, don't smoke the night before. Try and limit yourself to only smoking once a weekend. Never before you go to school or work. Never ever smoke by yourself unless you intend to not go anywhere, or just before bed. And when you have lots of work to do, try and limit yourself to school holidays.

What are the benefits of the Culture?

Well, there are many benefits to becoming a Stoner. The main one is the bonding of your Circle. Each of you have one thing in common, being a Stoner, and that holds the Circle together. The members of your Circle will be the closest friends you will have. You end up going through so much together, and you will never have any serious fights. Stoners stick together, especially if they are Metal Heads, this is because there aren't many of them, because they are outcasts, and they need eachother. They look out for eachother. One of the main rules that keep the Circle together is, share what you have, because you'll get it back in one way or another. There is a high level of trust amongst your Circle.

The thing I most like about having a Circle, is that everyone is equal. There is no such thing as a male or female. This is hard to explain. Everyone is kind of like the same sex; the Stoner sex. I reckon that on application forms for jobs etc. there should be a third box to tick for sex. eg:

What are you? Male, Female, or Stoner?

Another benefit of Stoning is a level of personal satisafaction. You don't need to impress anyone. You don't care what you look like. You don't care if you don't pull chicks or guys. You don't care if your parents friends don't like you. In fact, it's good having the feeling of not needing to impress anyone. My good friend Twiggy is a good example of this. She is kind of like a reformed goth. She doesn't give a shit what she looks like. She has long greezy hair, close to becoming dreads, that is a different colour every time I see her. What makes her attractive is that she's unattractive. That is my goal, to be as unattractive as possible, to somehow be attractive. All you need as a Stoner, is your Circle. You don't need to have relationships with other people. Your Circle is like a second family, or a first family. When you go to parties to pick up the member of the opposite sex, it's just like you're best friends, nothing else. I'll and try warn you, but I don't think you'll listen, because I once tried to warn myself and I didn't listen: don't get into a relationship with the person that you've picked up at a party. It just turns into a chaw; speaking to them on the phone for hours on end about bullshit, and it's not fun. You'd rather go and smoke billies with your Circle than spend time with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Then it just becomes a hassle to break up with them because they'll think they've done something wrong when in fact it's just your state of mind. You try to explain to them that you can't be bothered having a relationship but it doesn't work.

There are many other benefits of being part of this Culture, these are only the main examples that I can think of at this time. If I think of any others, I'll include them to this page eh.? sweet...

Is it dangerous?

The good thing about marijuana is that you can't over-dose while on it, unless it has been laced with something else. It isn't addictive either, but some people can become cannabis dependant. So: know your dealer, and be sure that you can trust them. There have been cases of dealers lacing cannabis with other addictive drugs, therefore making you addicted to the drug and going back to the same dodgy cunt to buy more. The Culture isn't dangerous, and the people aren't dangerous. However it is possible to become associated with people that will get you into tricky situations. Also, marijuana has a number of side effects: