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                The infamous...   GERBIL FEED BOMB
  Striking fear into the hearts of model citizens everywhere...                   
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  Grudge against society?  Seeking mass destruction & bloodshed? 
Look no further...  Follow these simple directions for nihilism
absolute...

1. Get some Gerbil Feed, or some other type of small rodent food,
available at most any pet store.

2. Mash up the food pellets into a fine powder (about the
consistancy of  beach sand).  The best way to do this is to put
the pellets in a bag, and then beat the hell out of those bitches
(pretend like they're Nancy Reagan for more fun!) with a hammer. 
If you live near a major highway, you can just scatter them
around, and then come by later with a shovel.

3. Put this powder into a jar (Jiff Peanut Butter jars work best,
but Peter Pan will do just fine).  Get some model glue, the kind
in tubes, and squirt out a bunch of it into your hand.  Spread it
out evenly over all your fingers, and then stick your hands into
the jar.  Move your hands around a lot in the jar so that the
glue is well mixed with the powder.
   Go into a spasm, this should shake all the glue off your
hands.

4. Fill the rest of the jar up with gasoline(available at most
any gas station.)

5. Put a long fuse into it.  If you're brave (and a bit stupid),
you can just drop a match into it.

6. Light the fuse if you put one in.  If you dropped a match into
it, then go to the nearest phone, dial "911" and tell the nice
people that you have a large number of glass shards embedded in
your lower body.  An ambulance should be there soon.

7. If you do not have glass shards in your body yet, just run
VERY, VERY fast, scream "incoming!" at the top of your lungs, and
then "hit the dirt!"
   This should attract all the neighbor's attention, so they too
will get to witness this spectacular event.

8. There!  You've done it!  When the police car comes to your
house, tell the nice police officers that a K.G.B. agent leaped
out of a tree, and threw a hand grenade at you.  Of course they
will be kind and understanding being their job to "protect and
serve."  The police are your friends!

9. Repeat for everything you want to slice, dice, chop, or
mutilate.
   Or just plain destroy, it doesn't really matter.
   Be sure to have a spare change of clothes handy...